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2002-10-31 Modern advertising disturbs me. Take, for instance, the Subway commercials featuring Jared. Jared lost 245 pounds by eating two Subway subs a day. (I, personally, conquered my own morbid obesity by eating only dog treats for two years, and I made it more difficult for myself by putting the treats in one of those ingenious little dog treat dispensers where you have to push a little bone-shaped lever in order to get said treat, which is really trickier than it seems; consequently, some days I got no treats at all.) When I watch those commercials, however, I’m not thinking about how delectable those artfully constructed sandwiches look. I’m thinking, “Man, Jared must have had a lot of extra skin after he lost that stubborn 245 pounds. What happened to all his extra skin?” My theory is, they put it in the sandwiches. Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki indeed! And a word of advice for the people at Pepsi. Back away from that can of Pepsi Blue and whisper to yourselves, “Remember Crystal Pepsi. Remember Crystal Pepsi.” Again, a personal message for Bitchabout: the address you gave me does not work. Please write me at my own.
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