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2003-10-25 Bertrand Russell, you best step the fuck off, because I am about to come at you with an extremely powerful rebuttal and by the time I am finished you will look like a tomfool. Also on my side is the fact that you are dead. Why I Am a Christian. (Because It Is Hilarious.) I'm currently visiting my parents, and my little brother volunteered to let me stay in his room. While I was putting a few of my clothes in his top drawer, I discovered a treasure of a book called "Boys to Men". The cover depicts a "man" clad only in a turkey-red tank top and a pair of Not At All Gay Looking cut-offs; he is climbing what appears to be an entirely sheer rock face. I immediately deduced that this was one of those religious texts that is given to young boys to explain sudden erections and wet dreams in a Christ-centric way; that is, without ever using the words "sudden erection" or "wet dream". I flipped frantically through the pages, trying to find the chapter on Chastity. I was well rewarded for my efforts. Here are the words of one Tim Gray and one Curtis Martin on the matter. "Neither God nor His Church are against sex; it is just the abuse or inappropriate use of sex that is prohibited. Here is an analogy to make the point." An analogy! I creamed myself with excitement. The book did not see fit to explain that either. "Fire of itself is not bad or good, it depends on its context and use. For example, fire in a fireplace is good; it brings both warmth and light to the home. But if the fire is taken out of its proper context, and is sparked in the kitchen or bedroom, the fire does not warm so much as consume and, instead of lighting up the house, it belches out smoke and flame that not only damages but can kill. Sex and sexual passion are like that fire." That is to say, if you have sex outside of the proper context of marriage, that sex will belch out smoke and flame that not only damage but can kill. That sounds kind of awesome, doesn't it, kids?
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