2006-03-09

I freely admit that I have no idea how to dress for warm weather. I refuse to wear those whore bloomers that you call shorts, and I am equally suspicious of bathing suits, which I consider to be nothing more than the cunning accomplices of crotch sand. In my despair, I turned to the Internet for guidance, but searches for “ho cloes” and “dressin’ slutty” returned no useful results. However, it did offer an intriguing solution to the swimsuit problem. Hillary Hipps, my new wife, had this to say:

I LOVE this swim suit. I feel very comfertable in it. All of my brothers and Father approve of it. Shure I get stared at some times but I amone of 10 kids so I have been stared at all my life:-) And I get stared at in dresses too. Please do not cause our christain (or nonchristian)brothers too sin by looking lustfully at you. What is too modest about this suit? better be safe than sorry. I have also never kissed a boy unless it was in my family or a baby. and I DONT plan too untill After I say "I do"

Devotedly Christ's,
Hillary Hipps

Who is responsible for this uncharacteristic strain of Puritanism? Perhaps it was my mother, who once cut up a shirt of my sister’s that had a pair of lips on it. Or perhaps it was my father, who once admonished my other sister, in all seriousness, to stop chewing her gum like a slut.

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